The evening of Wednesday, October 29, 2008 was a late one for the 200 parents attending the Community of Concern program for parents with a humorous and entertaining talk by Liz Driscoll Jorgensen..... read all about it in our article below.

ANNOUNCING OUR SPRING DATES:

Our Next Event
CoC DeCaf Coffeehouse
A place for parents to talk with their peers

The coffee may be decaf but the conversation is guaranteed to be lively!

Tuesday, April 21, 2009
7 – 9 pm
Hall High School Cafeteria
TOPIC: From Middle School to High School:
Navigating the "Terrible Teens"

The topics discussed will include:
Using Humor to Survive the Tween/Teen years: facilitated by Comedian Linda Belt
Safe Parties for Teens and Tweens: facilitated by Geoff Genser, Clinical Social Work/Therapist & Marc Lehman Marriage & Family Therapist
Learning from Experts: Parents Who Have Been There: facilitated by Hall High School Social Worker and parent Chris Bivona & Jas Singh Sedgwick Middle School Teacher
Just the Facts: Risky Behavior Among our Teens & The New Drug & Alcohol Policy: facilitated by Conard Assistant Principal Roszena Haskins & Hall Assistant Principal Donna Namnoun.
Staying in Control Without Being Controlling: It's Never Too Late: facilitated by Dr. Grant Holtzberg, Psychologist

The event is free and open to the public. Refreshments served.
Hall High School Cafeteria is located at 975 North Main Street West Hartford.

This event is part of Tune in- to Life Week, a week-long series of events designed to promote healthy choices and healthy living for residents of all ages, sponsored by the Bridge and the West Hartford Substance Abuse Prevention Commission

For information contact Hall High School CoC: Tel: 232-4561 Ext 1631, email: hallcoc@hotmail.com, or Conard High School CoC – Tel: 231-5000 Ext. 4001.

Community of Concern is a partnership of parents, students, faculty and community who are working together to keep youth free from drug, alcohol, tobacco and other dangerous substance use. Our goal is to enable all our children to develop the skills necessary for healthy decision-making when confronted with dangerous substances.

Free and open to the public

Parental Support

• If you set the boundaries for your children all along – they will grow to be independent (needing you less is a good thing).

• By the way…parenting is the only job where being fired is a sign that you are doing a good job. They test us because they love us.

• Get support: connect with other parents – a good place to start is with parents of your kid’s friends.

• Parents have less support today. Band together and help create the stigma that just does not exist today.

• Remember when they were young and we told almost complete strangers at the playground about stuff like our kid’s rash? Now that they are teens, we don’t share stuff with other adult friends when we really need to. We should help each other.

• Create more time where your kids can be with you.

• Kids need firm & consistent limits and accountability for their behaviors to feel cared for and to be safe. “I give you parents the authority,” said Liz, “to say it once (describing your limit) and then you take a time out.”

• No dating until you’re 16 then he comes to Sunday dinner with the family has worked for us, stated Liz. “Oh, he won’t come for dinner? No problem – no dating this guy.”

• The limits we set are a safety net to catch them when they fall, and yes, they will fall.

• Parents – go with your gut. If you feel they won’t be safe attending some event they want to attend just say: “You may not go to X but I will take you to Y.” Yes parents, you supply your time and money. Kids need our time, attention and money.

• Well before it is required, let kids pick their own punishment.

One good thing to take away…

“Children need two things to be healthy & happy as they grow; to know that they are loved for who they are and that there are limits to their behavior.” Marie Fakkel, MD

Child Support

They need time every day with no screens (cell, TV, PC, and IM).

What are the significant challenges that parents, tweens and teens face?
• The dominant culture is saturated with sexual content, materialism & examples of dishonest behavior.
• Puberty happens earlier each generation. (18 months earlier during the last two generations)
• Adolescents in affluent areas face specific risks.
• Parents have less social support.
• Teens face intense pressures to succeed and “fit in” in a culture alien to parents.

Alcohol & Other Drugs
• Connecticut has a “binge drinking” rate 20% higher than the national average.
• Median age for the first exposure to marijuana is 11.9 years.
• There is little or no social stigma among teens for marijuana use and alcohol use.
• Prescription drug abuse is at an all time high, the overdose rate is the highest ever
(Second only to car accidents as a cause of death in 18-44 year olds in the U.S.).
• Affluence is a unique risk factor for substance abuse and depression.

There is a correlation with affluence and …
Depression, anxiety, drug abuse.

• Not enough time with parents (more social commitments)
• They are not loved for who they are
• “They want the privilege of rejecting you two times a day,” says Liz.

The Brain

Quick Pre Frontal Cortex and Limbic System Review: the prefrontal cortex (PFC) is the area of the brain that helps us plan, delay, rank order and prioritize, or to reflect on past behavior. Adolescents are still growing this area of the brain… but you knew that already! The limbic system lies just below the PFC. The limbic creates urgency or “Mall emergency” and cannot reason.

• You have heard by now that the brain is not fully developed until about 21-25 years of age. Science has known this for about nine years now.

• Therefore, teens are crazy!

• The brain grows for ten years from the onset of puberty.

• Teens are ruled by emotion and instinct (they make things emergencies).

• Activity in the prefrontal cortex (PFC) increases with age as limbic activity appears to diminish.

• Activity in the PFC appears to increase when teens “stay frustrated” and are forced to use reason: it appears as if this helps speed the development of the PFC.

• Note: The limbic system lies beneath the PFC. The limbic creates urgency or “Mall emergency” and cannot reason. When the limbic is frustrated they have to use the PFC. So in families where boundaries and stability is around, the PFC develops as much as two years earlier.

• Kids are frustrated all day long by the limbic system.

Parents do not go limbic on the limbic system – focus on behavior. Do not get upset with your child; give him some time to feel guilty. Say, “We will talk later (then walk away).” Kids need to feel guilty and when we scream and yell we take away that opportunity for them to experience guilt.

Don’t go limbic -- what does that mean? – Remember TV’s Sergeant Friday of Dragnet and Lieutenant Colombo? Sergeant Friday, he was limbic, “Just the facts Mamam. However, Colombo - he was chill, scratching his head his famous line was, “Help me understand.” Be chill. Tell your child “We will talk later” and then walk away. Give him a chance to feel guilty.

The Community of Concern will stay in touch with Liz Jorgensen to learn when she will be returning to the Hartford area. Clearly, the audience was motivated to stay and hear the entire program and asked many questions. A great start to parents banding together!

Our next event is at Hall, April 21, 2009 in the evening. It will be during Tune in to Life Week. Please consult the Hall or Conard website for details closer to the event. The COC Decaf coffee house is a chance for parents to hear a program and then have the opportunity to ask questions as well as talk among themselves. Please plan to attend and do bring a friend.

Sharing a commitment to keep our youth drug and alcohol free

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