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4/1/98

From detentions to Twister™: Rita Jaffee's career change
by Chubby Checker

    By now, many students have heard that Rita Jaffee, Hall's beloved Dean of Students, will relinquish her position next year. However, few know her remarkable future plans. "I think I can sum up my reasons in one trademarked word," she tells Highlights. "Twister™."

    What is it about Twister™, the Milton Bradley board game associated with aging baby boomers pushing their fragile tendons to the breaking point, that has inspired Jaffee to change professions? To begin with, it provides more of a cardiovascular workout than Boggle™. Combining the agility of a gymnast, the speed of a runner, and the stratagems of a chess player, a professional Twister may quite possibly be the perfect athlete.

    "Right foot red!" Jaffee shouts with energetic zeal. "It takes great stamina to call out fifty commands in a row," she comments. Luckily, she gained a lot of experience during her years of handing out detentions to defiant students.

    Jaffee was first introduced to this game at an administrator's meeting three years ago. When it was time for a break, Principal Elaine Bessette brought out America's Party Game to help everyone unwind. Jaffee had never played Twister™ before, and admits that she had previously considered it a "kid's game." However, she kicked off her sensible and sophisticated pumps and took her place on the board, and magic ensued.

    "From the get-go," remembers Bessette, "it was clear that she wasn't going down. She was always two moves ahead of the rest of us. She could transverse the board in a few quick spins. Copsinis kept trying to take her out, but it was like watching a jet-ski run circles around a tanker."

    Jaffee soon became serious about the game. She invested in a quality pair of high-friction socks, and began a regimen of intense stretching. She studied the famous games in Twister™ history, and developed her own style of play ("Bold yet conservative, as Copsinis describes it) Now, her game is simply art in four colors. She has decided she is ready to go pro.

    Assistant principal Nancy DePalma gave her blessing to Jaffee's decision. "We appreciate all that Jaffee has done for Hall and of course we are sad to lose her. But at least she will be doing something she loves and taking her natural gift for Twister to a higher level." However, her true motives were questioned when someone noticed that without Jaffee, DePalma would be the reigning champion of the Twister™ board. We'll keep you informed of all the bizarre twists in this unfolding story.