click here to go back to the main April Fools' Day page
tophead.jpg (5165 bytes)4/1/98

Ask an Angst-Filled Teenage Poet

Dear Angst-Filled Teenage Poet,
    My boyfriend and I have been going out for nearly six months now, but I’m still not convinced that he doesn’t want to be with other people. We have a great time together and he seems to be happy, but I still have that nagging feeling. How do I tell him that I want an exclusive relationship? -Stephanie Y., Kenosha, WI

Dear Kenosha,
    Betrayal. Anger. Mistrust. Hate.
    The blaze of madness; the slow, painful burn
    These are emotions to which I relate.
    This is the fate to which I now turn.
    Swallowed up in the raging fire
    Flames cooking, searing, scorching all
    My heart, sizzling on eternity’s pyre
    And me, barbecued Butterball.

Dear Angst-Filled Teenage Poet,
    My friends think I’m crazy, but I’ve seen Titanic seven times now. I don’t know about you, but I think Leonardo DiCaprio is sooooooo hot! But he’s a good actor too– the Academy doesn’t know what it’s talking about. Anyway, do you think this is an addiction, or just appreciation for fine... I mean, really fine cinema? -Jenna R., Winston-Salem, NC

Dear Winston-Salem,
    A rose
    Is a rose
    By any other name
    With petals, stem, and thorns.
    Which prickle, puncture, cut and scrape
    My blood
    On your rose
    Running
    Flowing
    Life.
    Death.
    Hemoglobin.

 
Dear Angst-Filled Teenage Poet,
    Ever since I joined that AP class, I’ve had trouble catching up. The work’s more than I’m used to, and my test scores are slipping. I need to get ahead, you know? So, what do you think– will I get caught if I cheat on a test? - John D., Overland Park, KS

Dear Overland Park,
    Die, you backstabbing demon!
    Descend to the fires of hell!
    Riddance to the likes of you!
    Causing pain, seeming to mean well!
    Pain– this pain, so intense
    Look at me. See what you’vedone?
    You left me!– vulnerable, cold
    With a single memory– only one
    Of you, closing the door. . .
    Have you seen
Backdraft?

 
Dear Angst-Filled Teenage Poet,
    I’ve just turned 16, and I really want to drive. My parents, on the other hand, don’t think I’m responsible enough, even though I volunteer at the hospital and clean the catbox regularly (well, there was that one time, but I was at Jen’s house). I think I’ve shown that I deserve the right, but they don’t. Who’s right?- Jessica H., Coral Gables, FL

Dear Coral Gables,
   I wish I were an orphan.
    Abandoned at the door.
    Then I’d have an excuse
    Not to love you anymore.
    All you cause is pain,
    Remorse, regret, and guilt.
    What happened to the happy home
    That love supposedly built?
    It crumbled.
    Caved in.
    I walk to the orphanage.
    Looking to begin.
    Damn- I tripped on my shoelaces.

Do you have any submissions or questions for publication in Ask an Angst-Filled Teenage Poet? You'll have to wait until our resident lyricist stops listening to Tori Amos'  Boys for Pele and comes out of her room. (Sorry.)